we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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