some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
