he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
