we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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