The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
