someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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