Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
are you so shy because you have an std?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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