I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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