she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ugly people sure do ruin things
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
