Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
