It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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