The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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