He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize