During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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