her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My penis needs a shock collar
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
