best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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