girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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