Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
