Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
