Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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