Nicole vs. Life
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
time to smoke my breakfast
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
