Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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