so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize