Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
