i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i believe in u and ur pee
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
