"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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