You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
