This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
