I'm drive I can fine osifer
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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