We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize