so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
