dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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