shes about as inviting as chlamydia
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
