I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
