he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
