Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
