We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think my moral compass just broke
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
