I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
