Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize