Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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