her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
