Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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