My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
