I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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