so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Boobs are out for the taking
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
