Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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