I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
