Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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