I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
