you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
