Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
