she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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