my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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