You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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