What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
