Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
