Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
