What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
