i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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