I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
