Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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