To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize