I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have grass duct taped all over my body
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
