If i come over, it means nothing
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
