i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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