I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
