I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
