Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
