You surviving the open bar?
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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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