just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
