i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
