I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
