Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
