I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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