in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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