How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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