I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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