i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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